Beth @ Just My Cup of Tea reminded us of some of her old delightful posts like this one today: 10 Lessons You Want to Teach Your
Kids Pets & it prompted me to create a list for my only child, miss sophia, because well she just needs it:
10. While I understand that as a Beagle it is in your blood to hunt, it is not necessary for you to ignore me when you are on a “scent”. On a similar note, I do not receive pleasure, nor do I find it funny, when I am forced to pry something slimy from your jaws.
9. When people come over and I try to show them how well-behaved you are (or umm how much you’ve grown up), it would be nice if you humored me and cooperated. In addition, I am sure everyone is just as excited to see you as you are them, but it really isn’t necessary to vocalize it every time…REALLY.
8. You are a dog, not a cat. Yay Sophie, you are athletic and agile, but unfortunately god did not give you the ability to land on all fours. Therefore, climbing or jumping onto railings, window sills, tables, counters, and the backs of chairs is the type of behavior that is simply not safe for puppies. a) I don’t want to see you hurt yourself. b)I don’t like washing paw prints off the tables & counters c)I know it is inconvenient to be short(I feel your pain trust me) & I get it you want to see everything, but you aren’t missing out on anything by simply being low to the ground!! So, could you please at the VERY LEAST lay on the seat cushion of the chair –especially when sleeping, because I think we both know how you like to roll around when you sleep!
7. The shedding is no longer funny.
6. Please do not steal paper, napkins, paper towels, Kleenexes etc. and leave them chewed to bits around the living area. I have my own paper shredder, thanks.
5. Hearing a dog or a group of kids yelling, barking, or howling in the neighborhood does not entitle you to do the same. I know it is frustrating when kids are teasing you (ie howling back at you or saying, “SHUT UP DOG”), it is annoying for me too, but sometimes ignoring them is best.
4. Scratching the door, or cabinet where your treats are kept just to get our attention was cute at first, but can you stop already? No, it doesn’t make me want to give you a treat.
3. I know it is confusing, but you are a dog. NOT a person. We are not equals, and you certainly are not my superior, therefore, you are not allowed to boss me around. If I thought you deserved a treat, I would give it to you, I promise. This also means you are not allowed to talk back period.
2. When I buy you an expensive toy, could you at least keep it around for more than a day?!! I do not find it amusing picking up the remains of an adorable “dogior purse” a mere hour after it was given to you.
1. I will always love you. No matter what.